Dear Michael...

Yeah, I'm going to do this just like everyone else. Suck it up. I'm really sad. Here is how I'm going to remember him.

I agree with my friend Jenny Mae- if you don't have a physical reaction to the opening notes of "Beat It"... seriously?? How?

Christine and I called him, according to our parents, "Mackel-ackel". I have no idea why. Some of my earliest childhood memories are of him. When Thriller came out, my parents had it on vinyl. One night when I think I was 2, maybe 3 years old, and my parents had gone on a date. We had a babysitter, and it was WAY past my bedtime. For some reason they were debuting the video for "Thriller" that night, and I snuck out of my bedroom and tiptoed down the hall. The TV was in the corner of the living room away from the hallway so I had a really good view. I noted that mom and dad had just gotten home and were standing there all dressed up, watching the video with the babysitter. I loved it, even though the video scared me. Dancing zombies and werewolves and Vincent Price's creepy laugh... I don't remember whether or not I got caught. But I saw it! And now of course, it is one of my favorite videos.

Like I said, we had Thriller on vinyl, along with Bad when it came out later on. Another early memory I have is pulling out the inner sleeve of Thriller, and staring adoringly at this picture:

Yes, I was all of 4 or 5 years old with a raging crush on Michael. His smile ruled my little world. I memorized all the lyrics to the songs, and giggled at the tiny cartoon of he and Paul McCartney playing tug of war with a decidedly frazzled girl on the other side of the sleeve. "The Girl Is Mine", no?

When Bad hit the shelves, it was fantastic. Playing the record on the turntable and dancing around in the living room on Cherry St. was another memory. "Smooth Criminal" remains one of my all time favorite songs. I mean, the guy was a musical genius! Seriously! He undoubtedly paved the way for so many people. Where would Justin Timberlake be without him? This is how I will remember him:

Who the frick do you know who can do THAT??? And then there was Captain Eo. Ohhh Captain EO. You were indeed here to change the world.

That was a special trip to Disney World. I was 8.

He affected the world in so many ways - when I was 13 I was lucky enough to go to Japan. My aunt had a friend who went by Kimi, and she took us to a traditional Japanese school one day so we could see how life worked there. It was ah-MAZ-ing. You know what we did to break the ice? We all stood up and sang "We Are The World". And all the kids in that class knew it by heart, and then we shared curry chicken and rice for lunch and it was an experience I will never ever forget. I think he once said that "Music is the universal language", and that makes a whole ton of sense to me. 'Specially since an artist can be popular ALL OVER THE WORLD as a result of his or her music.

I mean, yeah... there's a lot of evil crap that surrounded him over the last few years. People said really mean things. He had a less than stellar family life. He may or may not have done some really effed up things to some kids. I don't know. But that's the thing - so many people are saying so many awful things about him, but you don't really know. You weren't there. All this negative stuff will never change the fact that he was a standout, a cultural icon. Mom and I were talking in the car last night about this, and she noted that for myself, for my friends, for my sister, "This is how I felt when Elvis died." So yeah, I get that. It feels surreal. It feels wholly unnatural; just plain wrong. When people mark moments in your life - like Dane Cook said, "Thriller got me laid!", it gives them a certain immortality in your mind. And when we are thrown back to reality and reminded that they too are merely human and can die just as unexpectedly as the rest of us, it jars us. I'm feeling sad, and shaken up.

I wish things had been different for him. I wish he could have done his big comeback shows in London. I wish he hadn't had all that plastic surgery. He was hella cuter in the 80s and early 90s. I wish he'd met a really great therapist and worked out all his issues. I wish he wouldn't have become a recluse and hid from the people who DID love him. I wish he'd been truly healthy and happy. I wish he'd passed away under a rainbow instead of having to pass away living the last few years beneath nothing but thunder and rain.

Here's what I am grateful for: I am so glad that God allowed a person like him to walk among us, and blessed him with an immense talent that he could share, and through that talent evoke such joy for people around the world. I'm relieved that just like Elvis, and Frank, and Deano and Ella Fitzgerald and Joey Ramone, he gets to live on through his contributions to music and culture and that we aren't left with nothing. And I won't remember Michael Jackson for the scandal, or how weird he started looking... I'm going to remember him for his music, and how freaking cute he was on the cover of Thriller. That is the Michael I loved and will always love.