Looking out the window

It's about 10:30 on a Sunday morning. I'm sitting on the couch in my red pj bottoms that Jamie got me for Christmas a few years ago (by some miracle they still fit!), and I'm looking outside our back porch. I've noticed a couple things. For one, there are the tiniest little snowflakes sneaking out of the sky and onto the deck. It's like they're trying to fly in under the radar, and hope no one notices... except I see them. And they're telling me I need to get my winter coat out today. The other thing I've noticed is that the tree outside our porch has lost 98% of its leaves. And every time the wind blows I can see those little leaves that are left over tremble in the breeze and it looks like they'd really be grateful for a blanket. I would too if I were sitting out there in my birthday suit. I'm also mindful that I'm enjoying a Gingerbread flavored Pop-tart, and some Hazelnut coffee for breakfast this morning. All in all, I'm in a decent mood.

I think what all of this means is that I'm really looking forward to the holidays this year. It's mid-November, so the first thing on my mind is Thanksgiving. Jonathan and I are going to be spending it with my dad's side of the family this year, and this is a very familiar event for me. It's pretty much how we spent Thanksgiving every year before my parents split up, and after. We'll go to my mom's the day after, of course, when we'll be celebrating my birthday, my bro-in-law's birthday, my nephew's birthday, and Thanksgiving all at once. Someone please pass the rum punch...

I like Thanksgiving a lot. I like turkey and gravy and all the yummy food, but I like wearing warm sweaters and spending time with my nutty relatives. Come to think of it, this is the first Thanksgiving Jonathan will spend with my side. (We were in his neck of the woods last year) I like eating til I pop, then taking a nap, then going back for turkey sandwiches later on in the afternoon. For the last several years now I've wished I could just get a turkey, bake it, and then let it cool just so I could have my own abundant supply of leftover turkey to have on sandwiches. YUM... Maybe I'll do that this year, but knowing me I'll be too lazy and just continue wishing.

The looming Christmas is leaving me with both a foreboding feeling and an excited one all at the same time. For some reason, my dad and I have gotten into a discussion of the religious significance of the season. For him, Christmas is ALL about God. For me, it's about so much more, and I'm not sure how to explain my take on spirituality vs. religiousness and what I think the holidays have evolved to be for me, and for others. I don't feel comfortable having to defend my position, and others', because everything I do comes back to a subconscious need to impress or get approval from my dad. And if I feel differently, or see the world differently, then have I lost approval? (more on this in a new blog)

At least this year I get to go to NYC with Jonathan. This thrills me to no end. I've never been to the city just to go to the city. Jonathan's sister lives in Brooklyn and has generously offered her abode to house us for a few days in exchange for a ride to the big OH for the holidays. My one desire is to skate at Rockefeller. There are a bizillion other things I want to do, of course, but I just really want to skate at Rockefeller more than anything. I also want to see some friends - people I haven't seen in WAY too long. I'm just ready for this change of scenery and the opportunity to discover something new, and for it to be right next to Christmas makes it that much more exciting.

I'm worried about how much I will need to spend this year - but I've been fattening my savings account for this, and I always make gift-giving work even if it's tight at the end. I always make it work.